There are a lot of ways that life is different when you
are a pastor than when you have the privilege of participating in the church as
a lay person. Some of the obvious ones include me getting paid to do some
things that you might volunteer for, being asked to give thanks for the meal at
any public gathering that I’m invited to, having people scrutinize my lifestyle
choices more intensely than they would other laypersons and being granted a
level of trust and disclosure by virtue of my station that would normally take
years to build up were I working in any other profession.
Of all these challenges/opportunities/benefits that I
face as a pastor (among many others) the one that still catches me off guard is
the unsolicited
excuse.
What is the unsolicited excuse you ask? It’s when you run
into me in the soup aisle of the grocery store and normal people would make pleasant
chit-chat about weather and what the kids were up to this summer, how your last
vacation was etc – but because I’m a pastor one of the first things out of your
mouth is:
“I’m so sorry we haven’t been to church for
the last few weeks/months/years.” “My husband has been working so much that we need
that Sunday morning time for our family”
Well you get the picture.
The fact is that I never asked why you hadn’t been at
church since Kerry Joseph was quarterbacking the Riders – and I probably wasn’t
going to (not at least in the soup aisle of Sobeys). But you felt compelled to
pre-empt my concerns before I had a chance to admire your tan and ask you if
you’ve been somewhere sunny lately.
Church attendance is the most common reason I experience
for the unsolicited excuse but it’s far from the only one. Sometimes it comes
is the form of unprovoked defensiveness – like I ask you about your new car
(because I’m a guy and I like cars – I’m usually genuinely interested) and
within a few sentences you’re justifying how generous a person you are and how
that purchase totally wasn’t frivolous and selfish because after all – you sponsor
a kid in Africa through World Vision. I wasn’t thinking anything of the sort – I
just like your car and am interested in how it drives.
And then there is the most bizarre form of this – the preclusive
justification. That’s when you might seek me out to explain all the
reasons you’re going to Hawaii during spring break rather than on the missions
trip you’ve been talking about going on for years. Actually taking time out of
your schedule to preclude any arguments or advice I might have for you as a
pastor so that you feel released to do what you want to do.
Whether it’s the unsolicited excuse, unprovoked
defensiveness or the preclusive justification these reactions to my presence
and office often baffle me as a pastor. I’m not sure if as a person I come off
very judgemental and unsympathetic or if I give out a disapproving vibe (I don’t
think that I do) but sometimes it’s hard to just relate to people as friends
and neighbours (or heaven forbid – brothers and sisters in Christ) for all the
excuses people want to begin conversations with. But if that’s part of what it
means to be a shepherd to the flock I’m more than willing to accept that burden
– so long as I can be clear with you all about how I really feel. So let me be
preclude your excuses, defensiveness and justifications with some perspective
of my own for a second.
There are times when you will share things with me and my
professional opinion is that your excuses, defensiveness or justifications are
poor at best. Yes I DO think that regular church attendance is important – no,
VITAL – for the spiritual health of a Christian and the family unit. And any
activity, hobby, commitment or even employment that regularly keeps you away
from the church for long periods of time in unhealthy for you. But if you haven’t
been to church in more than six months I’m more interested in hearing what IS
happening in your life than lecturing you about being at church because
obviously we probably don’t have a relationship that would handle that sort of
rebuke at that time.
But most of the time I’m pretty on the level. If I ask
you about your holidays it’s because I’m interested in your life – not judging
you on how you spend your time or money; if I ask you about what ministry you’re
serving in this year it’s because I obviously think highly enough of you to
assume that you’re serving somewhere – not because I’m trying to dig at the
reason you’ve pulled out of one ministry or the other; If I ask you about your
job it’s because I’m interested in your life – not because I’m critiquing how
much you’re working. What it really comes down to is that I think somehow as a
pastor I’m a trigger for your conscience.
Because at the end of the day most of the time there is
nothing inherently wrong with the things you want to excuse, justify or defend.
It would not be hard to follow Christ wholeheartedly and be serving him
faithfully while doing the things you feel compelled to share with me – yet you
feel somewhere deep down that YOU are doing something wrong and you don’t like
the feeling so you figure (sub consciously I would assume) that if you can get
the approval of your pastor for your actions that your conscience must be wrong.
But what if your conscience is really revealing to you a deeper truth than you
care to acknowledge?
“I am convinced,
being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But
if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean.”
Romans 14:14 (TNIV)
What I understand from that passage is that we have a
freedom in Christ that allows us tremendous liberty in what we do and how we
live – but God has given us a conscience that limits our freedom by telling us
that some things that are not inherently wrong can still be wrong for us.
That is not because God wants to take away all of our fun – it’s because he
knows each one of us intimately – better even than we know ourselves and he
wants to help us avoid things that he knows would draw us away from him and
keep us from experiencing the true freedom of life in Christ. If
you find yourself making unsolicited excuses about something you’re doing (or
not doing) ask yourself the question if you’re trying to ignore your
conscience? If you find yourself getting defensive in a conversation about some
choices you’ve made without anyone provoking such a response, ask yourself who
you are trying to convince? It’s likely not the person you’re talking to. And
if you find yourself going out of your way to preclude people’s objections (real
or imagined) to something you’re doing – whose objections are you really trying
to justify yourself against?
If you catch yourself doing these things perhaps it’s
time to sit down and spend some time with God asking him the frightening
question: “Is there something in my life that I need to change?” You might be
surprised at the answer.
Because when I run into you in the soup aisle at Sobeys,
if I strike up a conversation it’s because I’m interested in you – not your
excuses.
Have a good weekend,
Chris
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