Letting Go

I’ve been sitting on this blog post for a couple weeks now, but prudence has preventing me from posting it until now. As you read I’m sure you will understand why.

Last year around this time I penned (is that turn of phrase even appropriate in this day and age?) an emotional farewell to a group of people that had in many ways become closer than family to me. It was the afternoon after I had preached in my candidating service here at The Bridge Church in Winnipeg, and the afternoon after my letter of resignation had been read by Graham in the service back at Estevan Alliance Church, that I sat at my laptop and poured out my heart about all that Joanna and I had been feeling led by God to do. Thus began a long goodbye that stretched through the months of May and June until we packed up the moving van in the first week of July and headed east to meet what God had in store for us in friendly Manitoba.

The transition was filled with wonderful surprises and difficult challenges. We have made some amazing new friends here, people whom we feel blessed to have in our lives, but we have also deeply missed the people who had become over the years, so much more than friends to us and our children. We have been challenged, encouraged, and excited about the things that God is doing in our midst here at The Bridge and have been blown away not only by the passion of the people here for Christ, but the natural affinity and “fit” that we have felt in this congregation and culture. Even in the most difficult moments (and there have been some) we have never had reason to doubt if we made the right decision in following God to this new community when we did – His fingerprints all simply all over this experience; but that doesn’t mean it’s been easy to let go.

Over the last 10 months I have found myself continuing to stalk the Estevan Alliance Church Facebook page, continuing to be excited when I receive the weekly e-bulletin to my inbox, craving the connection that comes from a conversation over phone or email with people that I spent years building relationships with, and driven consistently to prayer for the things that I heard about happening in that congregation. In short I have had a hard time letting go of that community. I have struggled with irrational guilt over leaving and have constantly asked God to bring them another shepherd to guide them as they learn how to walk in the way of the Good Shepherd himself. I have even entreated my elders of my new congregation to join me in prayer for the church in Estevan

That is, until now. Since I received word that a respected friend and colleague of mine has accepted the call to pastor that church and now – as if a weight of sorts has been lifted I feel released.

That may be a strange thing to read – because I was officially released by the Elders of the Estevan church when I first began the interview process with The Bridge. I was given the great blessing of being released to explore what God might be calling be to do without being forced out in the process. And I was relationally released and sent off with blessing at a very emotional and bittersweet farewell service on my last official Sunday in the pulpit. I was functionally released when I closed the door on the uhaul and drove out of town, saying goodbye to my home and friends in the process – but only now, almost a year after making the move do I feel spiritually released from the charge that was given me back in March of 2011 to care for that congregation as their pastor.  Even now, as I reflect on what God has done it blows my mind as to his wonderful and perfect sense of timing.

A package full of memories bound
together with love

It began three weeks ago when Joanna opened the mail and found our long awaited farewell cards from our final Sunday collected and delivered to us as a reminder of the wonderful nine years we spent with that family. Then came an email from Bev at the church office about some innocuous loose end (a file I believe that I had) that needed to be tied up, which led to a phone call where I learned that a good friend, and great pastor was going to be candidating for the vacant position on the last weekend in April – the very same weekend one year later that I candidated in Winnipeg and that my resignation was read in Estevan. This coincidence was not planned – not by people at least. When that weekend came and went and I received word through my friend that he had indeed been called to the church my heart leapt and in some way that I cannot explain or understand that burden for the church in Estevan lifted and a renewed sense of calling and purpose for the family here at The Bridge has been ignited in my heart. In the last week I’ve been blessed to baptize a friend that I have been walking with in small group this year, I’ve been able to sit down with families and walk them through what will be my first child dedications in Winnipeg and I am looking forward to inducting at least five people into church membership later this month. These are the things that give a pastor the greatest joy, and the things that I have in my career most closely associated with family and belonging. I am so excited about what God is doing here and am so overwhelmed by his timing and his love for me and my family in giving us this season to transition slowly.

But now I’m letting go. Letting go of Estevan, and the wonderful people of that church and instead entrusting them to the care of a new shepherd. I have great confidence that Jim and Anna will continue to endear themselves to that family as they have been over the last ten months of doing pulpit supply. And I am renewed in my confidence that my words of my blog a full year ago are just as true today as they ever were.

“This is not the end of the fresh movement of the spirit that we have been experiencing at EAC. In fact I believe that this is only the beginning. I pray with all my heart that in our example of obedience and submission that some of you may be further inspired to follow in my footsteps – not necessarily by leaving the church and community – but by sacrificing your dreams, desires and self-determination on the altar and holding nothing back that he would call you to surrender. God may be calling you to do something that would be equally (or even) more frightening than the step that Joanna and I are taking and my prayer is that our story would give you confidence to allow God to direct yours. More than that, your real senior pastor is Jesus Christ – and he isn’t going anywhere, so how possibly could our departure derail what he wants to accomplish in you.”

God has just turned the page and is starting the next chapter of his work in Estevan. The best days are still ahead, and so are mine – and so it’s time to be letting go.