The Christian Parent's Dilemma

What is a Christian parent's responsibility to their children, and what is their responsibility to their community? And what happens when these two obligations seem to come into conflict? I've learned (the hard way) that few things in life generate stronger opinions and more controversy than blog posts on how to raise your kids. The mommy (and daddy) bloggers out there have built an entire category of media out of polarizing opinions on all sorts of things from breastfeeding, to attachment parenting, to the perceived disrespect given to SAHMs (Stay at home moms) by society, to the perceived judgement lobbed at working moms for not giving up their careers for motherhood. Then there are the fights over vaccinations, competitive sports, helicopter parents and the list goes on. I have opinions on many of these issues but I'm smart enough to not get into them on my blog because crucifixion looks painful and I'd rather not waste my time getting into internet fights with strangers over my choices as a parent. But this morning I woke up to a fantastic article on Christianity Today that really spoke to an issue that Joanna and I have been struggling with since our kids became school aged and one that has only intensified since we moved to Winnipeg this past summer.

As parents with kids in Grade 2, Kindergarten and diapers Joanna and I have been trying to discern the proper course of action to take with regards to our children's schooling and how to juxtapose our responsibility as parents with our calling as Christians and sometimes I think it's a lot harder than it should be.

At the risk of reducing the complexity of the issue to much I think there are really three options that Christian parents are presented with when it comes to educating their children. 1)Home Schooling, 2)private schooling (including Christian schools), and 3)the public school system. Without passing judgment on any particular choice I think it's fair to say that these three options exist on a spectrum that spans between exodus and engagement. Exodus being a retreat from the dangers of the world to inculcate young and impressionable minds with a Christian world-view while protecting them from some of the unsavoury realities of our degrading societal morality; whereas engagement is a conscious decision to be salt and light to a world that needs exposure to people of faith and conviction even with our children and our families. In general the homeschooling and public schooling options occupy the far ends of the spectrum whereas the private schooling option falls somewhere between the poles depending on the ethos and nature of the school.

Joanna and I have been struggling with what is the appropriate response to a world that doesn't share our values and yet still needs Jesus when it comes to our kids. We have argued, cried, prayed, been exasperated, encouraged and disappointed all along the way as we have tried to forge our unique path along the trajectory of God's will for us and our kids and we have not yet come to a satisfactory decision. This year our boys are in their local public school, more out of necessity than conviction (there wasn't room at the very well-regarded private Christian school in our neighbourhood and neither Jo or I feel like we have the skills to do homeschooling well, perhaps that was God making a decision for us) but we want to be at a place that decisions of this magnitude are intentional, rather than coincidental - which is why I'm so encouraged to see thoughtful and well written articles like the one I stumbled across this morning from people who HAVE wrestled with these issues and have made an intentional decision for one approach or another.

In this article, author Jennifer Slate makes a strong case for why she and her husband send their kids to their local public school rather than anywhere else and why this decision has become an intentional means for them to minister the love of Christ to their community. From the article:

I began to make decisions about my children's lives in a different way. What if I didn't only think about the fabulous life I could make for my three? What if I stood up for not only what was good for mine, but was good for all? What size car would be big enough to carpool other kids? What sports league should we play in so that everyone could participate? Could my husband and I set aside time to coach teams that they could join? Could we pick up extra granola bars every week? Could we make sacrifices for others to have a childhood experience equal to our own?

Slate's experience differs from my own (and possibly yours as well) as her local public school was "the poorest public school in the city" where as I live in a fairly middle-class neighbourhood and our local school reflects that reality the questions that she and her husband had to ask themselves and the issues they had to wrestle with are not qualitatively any different than the questions that Joanna and I are asking ourselves: Where does our responsibility to the community (as the body of Christ) take priority over our responsibility to our own kids? And perhaps the question laying behind that question: What is our responsibility to our children as parents? At what point do we say that entrusting them to the care of a system that is evolving a radically different (and oft-incompatible) worldview puts us at risk of not passing on our values? At what point so we say that the risks of drugs, drinking, sex and violence become great enough that we are forced to retreat into our own cloistered communities to protect them from the pressures of the world? Is there an acceptable level of risk?

Again, I don't have a definitive answer to any of these questions yet. But at least I'm asking them. I think too often we uncritically gravitate toward what feels safe, or what feels easy or what is affordable (something that Slate also touches on in the article) rather than critically engaging with the questions she wrestles with. And frankly, the stakes are too high to let that continue. The fate of our children, and the world hangs in the balance with the decisions that Christian parents make in these areas. The next generation will bear the fruit of the decisions we make. So let's engage in this discussion and make whatever decisions we need to make with great intentionality, consultation within the community of faith, and lots and lots of prayer.

Have a blessed day,

Chris